Kaylee Wolfe is a sexuality educator, advocate for survivors of sexual and relationship violence, clinic escort, and birth doula. She thinks you should get tested.


Sometimes you feel tired. Sometimes you feel horny. But what do you do when you’re tired AND horny at the same time?

Rallying the energy necessary for sex after a long day can be challenging, but it also may be worth it. Studies have repeatedly shown that sexual activity — whether it’s solo masturbation or partnered sex — can offer a number of health benefits. Rubbing one out before lights out can make it easier to fall and stay asleep, lower blood pressure, improve your sense of mental wellbeing, and even boost your immune system.

The good news is that despite the professional athleticism of most mainstream porn, everyday sex doesn’t have to be an all-out sprint. You and your partner(s) can still get off when you’re feeling sleepy and lazy.

Take it from me: I made my sexual debut to a Fall Out Boy song at the tender age of 18, and as a textbook burned-out millennial finding ways to balance my need for sleep with my desire for sex has been an ongoing project ever since.

So next time you find yourself fighting sleep and a (literal or metaphorical) boner at the same time, consider these five mix-and-match strategies for maximizing pleasure with minimal effort.



  1. Get right to it. While it’s true that taking your time and building tension can make for great sex in certain circumstances, that doesn’t mean efficiency is a sin. When you’re tired and your end goal is getting off so you can get to sleep, feel free to default to the activities and positions you know work fastest for you and your partner. Save your creativity for a Sunday morning when you’re feeling fresher. When it comes to lazy sex, there’s no shame in shortcuts.

  2. Automate. Machines are replacing human workers at an alarming pace, so you might as well use them to your advantage. Bringing a little Brave New World into your bedroom with vibrators and other toys can supplement and enhance manual ministrations, reducing the time and effort required to reach orgasm, particularly for people with clitorises.

  3. Prop yourself up. When getting on all fours or engaging your core for a particular position feels like a chore, you can use pillows, comforters, or yoga blocks for support. Even when you’re not tired, this trick can be a helpful way to avoid fatigue, increase stamina, and adjust the angle of penetration or contact between bodies for optimal pleasure.

  4. Low-effort lube. As I’ve said many times in this column, using lube is one of the simplest and most reliable ways to amp up your sex game. Keeping lube on hand (ideally within arm’s reach of wherever you like to get freaky) is a good practice in general, but especially so when it comes to lazy sex, which — let’s be honest — tends to involve skimping on foreplay. Spit isn’t the best lube in the world, but for the truly lazy in a pinch it may be better than nothing.

  5. Try mutual masturbation. In this sexpert’s humble opinion, mutual masturbation just might be the most underrated sex act in the book. Getting yourself off in tandem with someone else combines the efficiency of knowing your own body best with the visual and auditory stimulation of your partner experiencing pleasure alongside you. Plus, seeing how they masturbate can be a helpful way of learning how to make them feel good on a day when you’re both feeling more energetic.


Do you have another tried-and-true lazy sex tip I missed? Send it and any sex queries you’re too nervous to ask your doctor to kayleewolfetwss@gmail.com and you may be featured anonymously in a future edition of That’s What She Said.

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